FAILURE

Morning 4am wake up den fetch my family to airport
den.. i feel uncomfortable while my bro drove home
my heart beatz abnormal i though it juz bcoz of de speed he drove
den went back to bed for a while

out at 11am, goin to coll check resultz n timetable
still.. a bit bad feelingz.. n din realize it is my nightmare beginz
i reach n park in pyramid as usual den walk toward toa
i din check de result 1st but timetable, saw some 1 i know
den go to de staircase tat full wit.. resultz
i find my class.. n saw therez 2 row of black.. n..
saw therez my index number which is .. black..

i m freezed

double check..

triple check..

it is my index number.. it is.. my..
i called my friend for suggestion.. still calmly.. den.. head to sra..
sra hand me a paper n ask me go class a1 a2 n check
it is.. empty.. i feel lik i m alien n also a failure
i walk to de mm counter..
n i hav de worst answer i expect-
i only can take 4 subject nx sem n i only can hav 3 subject wit my curent classmate
i was lik.. omg.. which meanz i will nv ever graduate wit my foundation friend same time

EMPTY i m empty

i ask for my other sub resultz.. B for ddmm n culture, C for visual
i called a few ppl again.. den a lot suggest me to find lec for begging
yea.. i should giv it a try no matter wad now..
den go call for lec but de office said he is out n back around 2pm
n i hav to wait 2 more hourz.. hangin around doin nth
when i m still in pyramid hangin around doin nth
i saw kevin den walk toward toa den met patrick zermi n nick
dey knew i fail d.. n tearz wanted to roll d
chat a while den i wanted to call lec again
n this time i been told tat he went for lunch d back at 3pm

ok.. fine.. i wait.. den join dem of sittin ming tien starin ppl eat
after their lunch den hang in gallery..
3pm reach den called again... but no one picked up de phone
i walked back to gallery n ask kevin borrow me his student id
i lost mine.. dunno when.. cant find..
finally i saw my lec
i talk to him.. n ask him.. den he say he need a while to check
ok... he went back his office n check..
i waited.. n keep thinkin.. i cant stand it anymore..
n tears drop d.. it nv listen to me..
he took a while.. quite long.. n i m alone.. i m nt de tough 1
when he showz up.. he said my markz too low
low until cant proceed to otp

i was lik.. wad de.. fuck?

den i ask izzit i hav to waste another 3 monthz juz for prespective
n.. yes.. i muz.. n stupid tearz keep fallin
i dun feel lik i can talk.. den i juz say fine n walk.. away
return de id to kevin without stop walkin
i think i really scared him when he saw me black n red?
bad mood n cryin

i try to walk as fast as i can to my car n drove back
on de way back.. i cried loud.. n.. i dun think i drive safety..
i dint went back home 1st.. i went to my workin place
which my "kai ma" shop..
she saw my eyez red she though wad happen.. den i said i fail
n therez an uncle salez man wit her.. lucky i knew him long time d
i cry again there, in de shop.. in front of dem..
n very lucky tatz not de busiest time
den... i get consolation.. n advise from both..

actually i know i cant blame my lec.. problem might bcoz of me
but he dun want to tell me wad i had wrong
he juz keep tellin my final problem
i go to go at 5.. hav to cook for myself.. n take care of my dogz housework..

i m still fine when i m busy wit stuff
after my dinner n went back to my room
i cant control myself n.. cried again
my bro's gf knock de door for help at 1st..
when she saw i m cryin she damn shock
coz i look totally FINE when i m downstairz
emm.. den she bring me her hamster to comfort me i guess
n i nearly dissapointed my friend tat had date me tomoro for skatin
promise for bout 2 month d.. sorry guyz..

n i terscared a few best friend.. ahaha.. i cried on de phone
sorry.. n thankz to those who comform me..
i feel better now.. i think i can handle it..
juz.. still a lil bit cant belive n accept de fade yet..
juz a lil while longer will do..